Can You Be a Virtuous Leader Without Self-discipline?

By Deb Boelkes

How would you rate yourself in terms of self-discipline? Do you routinely set personal stretch goals and steadfastly strive to accomplish them, no matter how long it might take or how arduous the task to master? Or do you tend to impetuously pursue whatever fun and feisty opportunities appear on the horizon? Once you begin an important pursuit, do you challenge yourself to stay the course, or are you likely to bail out if things don’t progress the way you expected?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines self-discipline as correction or regulation for the sake of improvement. Self-discipline is the virtue that helps you do and be at your best. Based on my own experience, true self-discipline requires dedication to mission, strength of will, and composure—in virtually all aspects of your life.

Now, let’s get real. No matter how self-disciplined you are, it’s OK to be impetuous every now and then. What joy would there be in life without a little flexibility to have fun and serendipitous adventures from time to time? But to accomplish truly great things—virtuous things that are worthy of lasting admiration, things that give you a deep pride of accomplishment, difficult things that are worthy of your dedicated time and effort—you must be consistently, not just occasionally, self-disciplined.

I have long adhered to the philosophy of one of my favorite role-models in life, the UCLA basketball coaching legend John Wooden: “Discipline yourself and others won’t need to.” 

I especially relate to these John Wooden quotes that underscore the virtue of self-discipline: “I do not feel pressure, because my dad taught me not to measure myself in comparison to others, but rather on the quality of my efforts to improve,” and "You will find that success and attention to details, the smallest details, usually go hand in hand."

While I rate myself on the upper end of the self-discipline scale, I must admit that I haven’t always been that way. I certainly wasn’t as a young child. It took a great lesson-learned in the fifth grade—when for no explainable reason I simply ignored writing the number of book reports required during the quarter to earn the “A” grade in reading my parents expected of me—to wake me up to the importance of self-discipline. Believe me, I never made that kind of mistake again.

Thanks to that life-lesson, I don’t believe one must be born with a self-discipline gene. Although some people might be, I think it’s possible to develop self-discipline as we go. I embraced the virtue of self-discipline at age 10 to regain the trust and confidence of my parents. That’s when I learned it was better to strive for best-in-class results than let myself and others down.   

My first-born son had an innate sense of self-discipline. From the get-go, he gravitated toward toys and activities that were seemingly beyond his years. He would steadfastly try whatever it was, over and over again, until he mastered the object of his attention—whether it was building complex Lego structures, advancing through levels of video games, playing the saxophone, or drawing someone’s portrait.  He seemed compelled to master whatever it was and he wouldn’t stop trying until he perfected his performance. 

One day in middle school, he came home all excited, saying “We had to run a mile today for the annual state fitness test and I broke the school record!”

Mind you, he had never run competitively before. To my knowledge, he hadn’t even gone out jogging. But with the surprise accomplishment, his teacher suggested he should join the high school track team. Despite his small stature, he became the cross-country team’s star performer, where the focus was not so much on winning races as on setting “PRs”—Personal-best Records. The culture of focusing on setting personal-best records was a perfect match for him.   

In elementary school he joined the Boy Scouts and immediately set his sights on becoming an Eagle Scout—which he accomplished at the beginning of his senior year in high school. When it came time to apply for college, he set his sights on attending the US Naval Academy. When our congressman selected him as the alternate nominee rather than the first-choice appointee, he simply side-stepped the roadblock and joined the US Marine Corps unit of ROTC at the University of Southern California. The Marine Corps’ tagline “Be All You Can Be” was another perfect match for him, and he eventually became an F/A-18 Fighter Pilot.  Self-Discipline was, and is to this day, a real strong suit for him.

While he always had our full support and confidence in his endeavors, there was very little prompting from us. Whenever he asked for it, we willingly offered guidance. Yet his achievements were primarily due to his self-discipline and dedicated pursuit of whatever he found a passion for—including the lovely woman he met and married during his F/A-18 training in Oceana, VA. To this day, he continues to embody the Marine Corps tagline—Be All You Can Be—which includes being a loyal friend and heartfelt leader to all.

If you rate yourself on the lower end of the self-discipline scale, don’t despair. It’s never too late to change your ways and develop new skills.  As my Heartfelt Leadership partner, Dr. Mark Goulston, said in our first book, The WOW Factor Workplace: How to Create a Best Place to Work Culture:

One of the greatest tragedies in life is getting to the end of your life and looking back, and realizing it was mediocre…and didn’t have to be that way.

Focus on a future nobody has screwed up yet. Ask others, “Going forward, how can I (or this thing) be better?”

Then listen to whatever they have to say.

Don’t criticize yourself but think of what you can improve on.

Avoid the counterproductivity of excuses, blame, not meeting commitments, or keeping promises. Counter concerns of inadequacy by directly addressing deficiencies.

What separates the people who habitually achieve their goals and create the results they desire from those who don’t? You already know the answer. It’s follow-through.

I believe it’s possible to build self-discipline, one day at a time, as you go through life. It’s simply a matter of intention. Don’t measure yourself in comparison to others. Instead, set higher expectations for yourself and hold yourself accountable. Strive to achieve your personal best.

When you come up short, don’t give up. Learn from your mistakes and try again. By developing a practice of self-discipline—one day at a time—you’ll create a life of greater fulfillment and find pride in the kinds of accomplishments that lead to greater happiness.

What greater virtue could there be?