The Power of a Heartfelt Loss Review

By Deb Boelkes

When competing for something you really wanted to win, have you ever lost? If you’ve been in sales, did you ever lose a really big deal, one you had poured your heart and soul into for months? Or, have you ever expected a big promotion, but someone else got the job?  Have you ever run for office and failed to win a key endorsement or were defeated at the ballot box?

Let’s face it, losing hurts, especially when the loss is highly visible. A high visibility loss can trigger extreme disappointment, embarrassment, anger, and an impulse to publicly blame a host of other people. Some might even consider suicide as the only way to save face. No one wants to be viewed as a loser.

Yet, from every loss springs new opportunity. We have the chance to learn, strengthen our skills, and build tighter bonds with our stakeholders. By leveraging such opportunities to grow, we increase our likelihood to win the next time.

Moreover, we have a wonderful opportunity to become an outstanding role model to others. By displaying the best side of ourselves, especially after a loss, we stand to garner greater support by inspiring others.

Face it. You serve as a role model in everything you do. People are always watching you, assessing you, and—for better or worse—learning from you. Don’t you want others to be impressed and proud of you, regardless of whether you win or lose? For this reason, it’s important to be the kind of role model you want to be, especially when you end up losing.

Being a stellar role model—win or lose—is all about demonstrating good sportsmanship, humility, a dedication to self-improvement, and a commitment to building stronger relationships. It’s not about making excuses or blaming others—quite the contrary. It’s striving to be the best you can be, no matter the outcome. It’s about exemplifying heartfelt leadership.

Early in my career, I was a Systems Engineer at AT&T Information Systems, the then-newly deregulated side of the phone company. Before deregulation, businesses had little choice but to procure premise-based telecommunications systems from their Bell Operating Company. As a regulated monopoly, we never lost a deal.

Deregulation brought about competition. Our business customers now had choices. They were free to procure solutions from a variety of lower cost and more fleet-afoot, service-oriented providers. It was a rude awakening.  

Through the transition, I became especially impressed with one of our sales reps who managed some of our largest national accounts. I observed as she steadfastly worked for months to close a huge deal with one particular multi-node networked enterprise. The sale was worth several million dollars. A huge commission was riding on it. All sales management eyes were on her. You can imagine the shock when we lost that deal.

But what really impressed me was this. She never seemed to lose her composure. She didn’t blame her engineering support team for not being service-oriented enough. She didn’t blame the management team for not being flexible enough. She didn’t blame the customer for making a bad decision. She didn’t blame the winning competitor for being sneaky, or lying, or undercutting our price.

Instead, she focused on upping her game. She went straight to work to build even stronger relationships with the client’s decision makers and key influencers. She became more determined than ever to become the very best, most dependable, solutions oriented, WOW factor product and service provider in the business.

With a smile on her face and her I have confidence in me attitude, she immediately scheduled one-on-one loss review meetings with every single individual involved in the client’s decision making process. She did what, perhaps, she should have done in the first place: fully understand the client’s decision making process along with each individual’s underlying needs, priorities, and expectations.

With great humility, she asked each one of them to share, from their own perspectives and in great detail, what we had done wrong. More importantly, she accepted and acknowledged where, when and how we had failed to meet these expectations and what we needed to do to improve, going forward.

Then, she kept in contact with every key individual at each site, on a regular basis. Her sales manager told her she was wasting her time, now that the big money was off the table. But she was determined.

While the winning competitor was busily implementing their multi-campus solution, whenever a problem occurred that was not immediately addressed by our competitor, she would be the first one in the door to fully understand the issue and suggest an alternative approach, no matter how small.  

It wasn’t long into the implementation process when our competitor had a significant problem. Our competitor had no alternative but delay the cut-over schedule. The customer was not happy.

Because our sales rep remained at the customer’s beck and call, she became immediately aware of every problem. Rather than disparaging them, she volunteered our own Systems Engineers to advise on trouble shooting and work-arounds, which saved the day for both the customer and our competitor.

As additional problems came up, our sales rep was always there to volunteer our engineering services, pro-bono. At every step, she proved our value and further solidified her relationship with the customer’s executive leadership team.

At some point, the customer asked her for a proposal for the remaining not-yet installed nodes. We ended up replacing the entire network with AT&T products.

If it hadn’t been for our sale rep’s humble determination to hold detailed loss review meetings with everyone involved in the client’s decision making process, to understand their expectations and how we could improve our performance, we never would have won back all that business.

For me, it was an incredible learning experience. To this day, I remember her as one of the best sales role models I ever had. Much of my own success throughout my career—and my organizations’ success—stemmed from her role model behavior. 

My wish for you is that the next time you happen to lose an important opportunity—one you poured your heart and soul into—you, too, will serve as a role model in humility, sportsmanship, self-improvement, and relationship building.

And always keep in mind the power a heartfelt loss review can have. It might just change your life.