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Wednesday
Mar052014

Calling All Skeptics, Cynics and Pessimists

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4mkoxOeZ2BA/TES_8IhKYMI/AAAAAAAADFA/2CXCjkhE0yk/s1600/confucius2a_www-txt2pic-com.jpg

- A skeptic is someone who is reluctant to believe;
- A cynic is someone who refuses to believe;
- A pessimist is someone who has given up on believing.

- A skeptic is someone who once believed and was let down and disappointed;
- A cynic is someone who once believed and was deceived and traumatized;
- A pessimist is a cynic is someone who just got tired of fighting, gave up and withdrew.

- Deep inside all skeptics is the desire to believe again, but to do so without the fear of being let down or disappointed;
- Deep inside most cynics is the desire to believe again without the fear of being deceived or traumatized;
- Deeper inside pessimists is a willingness to believe again, but it will require:

a.Your being patient with them
b. The opportunity for them to express why they stopped believing and became so pessimistic
b. Your listening, understanding and validating how they could feel that way... and then your committing to never putting them in that position again and then never doing it

Reader Comments (1)

These people appear to be those who have been burned by churches or other religious experiences, partners who were substance abusers or even abusive, cheated by a close friend or relative and even a business associate, cheated on by a spouse or even back-stabbed by a close friend, or disappointed by a politician. There are lots of opportunities in this world to be disappointed throughout all of our lives.

The healthiest, most mature people will recognize their part in the relationship, accept their choice to be a willing participant and glean some wisdom from the experience when it doesn't turn out the way they hoped. This involves forgiveness and starts with forgiving ourselves. Blaming other people or circumstances will only delay or prevent personal growth.

Not everyone learns the hard way, however. We can learn from the wisdom of others who have gone before us. Some of this comes in the form of well-meaning warnings to look before we leap into _________________________________.

Dr. Bradley Nelson (author of The Emotion Code) has a unique perspective and therapy for helping people with "stuck emotions." He calls them "heart walls" since these trapped emotions tend to gather around the heart and hinder the giving and acceptance of love. I do not have enough experience with this to feel that it is in any way a substitute for a one-on-one relationship with a professional psychotherapist. I merely offer this as a potential explanation for being stuck with what I see as a lack of "faith."

Some skepticism I feel is healthy so we are not putting our hands on the hot stove. However, when this prevents healthy relationships, I feel it's not. This is when a trained therapist is best for the scenario you describe above, Dr. G., in order to help people move past this block. Otherwise, these relationships are just exhausting (aka high maintenance) and best to move on.

As I have shared before, "For those who will believe, no proof is necessary. For those who will NOT believe, no proof is possible." (Anonymous quote.)

So, how do you feel about this?

March 6, 2014 | Registered CommenterCheryl Sharp
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