This year I made the New Year Resolution to not deal with anyone I need to persuade, convince or arm twist to do anything.
Before I proceed, you need to know that I work on the “soft skills” side of the tracks. That generally means not only training people with regard to interpersonal communication, but often often needing to impact their personality which appears to underlie their beliefs, mindset, attitude and behavior… or maybe it’s their beliefs, mindset, attitude and behavior that underlies their personality.
Whatever the case, I have found that persuading and convincing doesn’t last with people who refuse to believe, accept, agree or be committed to making or sustaining a change in their interpersonal behavior. That is because similar to making a footprint in wet sand that disappears in seconds, people revert back to their personality nearly as quickly.
People either Need, Want or Gotta Have
I came to this conclusion when I realized that a several of my books, Get Out of Your Own Way, Get Out of Your Own Way at Work and “Just Listen” were things that most people need to do, but most people don’t want to do. And unless they are in a terrible crisis, almost nobody has “gotta have” any of them. My recent book, REAL INFLUENCE, co-authored with John Ullmen came closer to what people wanted, but the field of persuasion, influence, selling, etc. books is so overcrowded that people didn't want or need yet another book on the subject. All of the books did respectably, but because they weren’t “gotta have its” they didn’t immediately translate into “gonna buy it" (although a number of them have over time and through word of mouth gone on to be best sellers).
Apple seems to be the “poster child” for creating products that people don’t actually need --- I mean nobody actually needs a new iPhone --- but many people want it and a fair number of people “gotta have it” and will wait out in the cold all night when a new product goes on sale the next day. And when Avatar 2 reaches the theatres, look for the same reaction.
Anita Elberse knows this all too well and has explained this phenomenon in her “blockbuster” book, Blockbusters: Hit-making, Risk-taking, and the Big Business of Entertainment.
Perhaps the reason for “gotta have it” or a “blockbuster” making it through our crowded minds is that it now takes an adrenaline rush to create a dopamine surge. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and delight; adrenaline is more associated with excitement and thrills. Because our minds are too cluttered and overloaded, it may be that we need something that has to be “over the top” such and adrenaline rush just to make it through.
Because “gotta have it” spontaneously creates “gonna buy it,” you don’t have to persuade, convince, arm twist or sell. All you need to do is take orders.
In my own journey away from “need it, but don’t want it” I searched beyond the “features” of my services, i.e. insight, better communication skills, assertiveness training, etc. for “gotta have it” benefits. “None of my former books made the cut when looking at them through the lens of “gotta have it.”
It is my good fortune that I have come across a few that do and I will be rolling them out in the months to come. First is a program for overcoming the resistance to change that spontaneously and with no effort on the other person’s part caused them to immediately drop their resistance to change and to “gotta have” what this process opens up in them and gives them. Second are a series of mobile apps that within five minutes stops someone from being angry, or falling off the wagon with regard to eating something unhealthy, gambling, resorting to pornography, or compulsively shopping. And finally a book that distills 30+ years as a high stakes psychotherapist and FBI/police hostage negotiation trainer into “how to get emotional and irrational people to calm down and listen to reason.” That’s a “gotta have it” for every rational person in the world, because nearly every day such a person deals with an emotional or irrational person they are trying to calm down and get to listen to reason.
As you think of your services, products or the new initiatives in your company or organization, what do they trigger in your clients, customers or people? Is is something they need, but can do without; want and will make a lot of effort to get; or “gotta have” and can’t do without?
If you don’t know what about your services or products create “gotta have it,” don’t you think you should find out?